Board Meeting Minutes

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SdK Board Meeting Minutes – Aug 2014

Published August 11, 2014 by jnaomiay

SdK Board Meeting Minutes

Aug 2014

Attendees:  Jim, Steve, Rent, Arsan

Location:  SdK Tower Executive Conference Room

Jim:  Okay, guys, let’s get started.

Steve:  Where in the hell is everybody?

Arsan:  Hell.

Rent: Seriously?

Arsan: (shrugging)  Maybe.  Probably.

Jim:  Guys!  (Jim pounds the gavel.)  I have only a few items on our list.  Let’s see how quickly we can finish this up.  There’s a preseason game on in twenty minutes and it’s still Happy Hour over at the Corral.  Drinks and Wings half price, you know.

Rent:  I’m in.  I love their Rope ’em & Ride ’em Cowboy Spaghetti.

Steve:  You would.  Where’s Naomi?

Jim:  (clears his throat)  Actually, guys, she’s not coming today.

Shock and awe around the table.

Steve:  She’s got something more important to do than meet with us?

Jim:  Well…

Steve:  (Steve waves at the near empty room, and the enormous conference table.)  So we’re supposed to have a board meeting, the three of us and Junior?

Arsan: Hey!

Jim:  Steve, calm down.  Naomi left instructions, and she specifically said Arsan needs to be included in everything we do.

Arsan:  Uh huh.  Uh huh.  (Arsan high fives himself)

Rent:  He’s actually a lot older and wiser than he looks.

Arsan:  Hey!

Steve:  Who is your agent, kid?  Are you using the same dude the Big Man’s got?

Arsan smiles smugly.

Steve:  Sheesh.  I bet your contract’s worth a lot more than mine.

Jim:  Steve, give it a rest.  I’ve seen everyone’s contracts and they’re all fair.

Steve:  Yeah?  How much does the Big Guy get?

Jim:  Well…He is THE BIG GUY and his contract is commiserate with that.  Anyway, let’s get back to the business at hand.

Rent:  Yeah.  We should just be glad we’ve got the contracts we do.  Especially after what happened to the entire Korelesk family.  (Rent shakes his head and blows out air from between his teeth.)  Nasty.

Silence around the table for a moment.

Jim:  So, (Jim clears his throat again), Naomi wants us to announce that Fairy Tales was just released, and is available only on Amazon.com and it is eligible for Kindle Unlimited.

Arsan: (Standing up and dancing) Oh yeah!  My book.  My book.  Oh yeah!  It’s all about me.

Steve:  Shut up!

Rent:  Actually, it’s about more than just you.

Arsan:  Mostly me though.  You guys aren’t even in it.

Steve:  Shut up!

Arsan:  He’s just mad because his wives keep leaving him.  Right, pops?

Steve:  Who was your mother again?

Arsan’s face turns bright pink.

Rent:  Be careful, Steve.  You know he’s One of Them.

Steve:  Yeah, but he can’t do the finger thing.

Jim:  (pounding the gavel)  Guys!  Arsan, sit down and behave yourself.  Now, Naomi also wants me to announce that the audiobook for My Enemy’s Son will be released in early September.  Rebecca A. Reynolds is narrating it again and she’s done an awesome job on all the voices.

Steve:  So who cares?  None of us are in it.

Jim:  I am.

Rent:  Actually, you’re only referred to as playing in a pee-wee football game and joining your grandparents for dinner.

Steve (laughing):  You tell him, bro.

Jim:  Are you done, Steve?  I’ve got more announcements to make.

Steve:  I don’t know, Jim.  Am I done?  Are we all done?  Is Naomi trying to tell us something by not being here?  How many meetings has it been since the Big Guy was here?  Maybe, it’s over.  We’re all washed up and in denial about it.  What do you think, sport?

Arsan (shrugs):  I’m good either way.

Jim:  Well, I was going to save this for the last item, but since you brought it up, I’ll announce it now.  Naomi says there’s going to be a new book, possibly a new series.

Steve:  And, none of us are in it.

Jim:  If your agent hasn’t been contacted about a new contract, then no, you won’t be in it.

Rent pulls out his cellphone and texts his agent.

Steve:  Shit.  Is it another one about those girls?  Black Gold or whatever in the hell she called them?

Jim (looking through his notes):  No, this is something entirely new.  The working title is something like The Angel Complex.

Arsan (bolting from his seat):  Score!

Rent (shaking his head):  I guess I’m out.

Jim:  It’s early yet.  She doesn’t know who could show up later.

Steve: But, the Big Guy’s in it, of course, and wherever he goes, Captain DragonLady follows.

Rent:  Are you asking or telling?

Jim:  Well…

Steve:  I suppose there’s hope that we can be born again.  Right, bro?

Jim:  Anyway, ETA on that is sometime in September 2014.  Now, regarding the Two Moons series…

Steve:  Wait.  Are we just done then?  Is Naomi just going to leave us plummeting into a frozen lake?  That’s it?

Jim (checking his notes):  Hard to say.  She hasn’t indicated one way or another.  What she does want me to announce though is that all of the novelettes, the audiobooks, the comic book, Black Gold, and the Two Moons extended series books 11 – 15 are available to borrow through Kindle Unlimited which will save our readers a whole lot of money.

Rent:  Saving money is good.

Arsan:  My book!  Oh yeah!  My book!

Jim:  And, books 1 – 10 are available on other lending programs such as Scribd and Oyster so you can save a lot of money by borrowing from them too.  Also, some library systems are now able to carry books 1 – 10 if they are part of the Overdrive network.  Specifically, Naomi wants to thank the King County Library System and the Washington Anytime Library System for stocking ebooks from The Two Moons of Rehnor series.  If our readers are interested in getting the series in their libraries, they should contact their local librarian or go online to make a book request.

Rent:  Libraries are useful.

Arsan:  My book!  Oh yeah!  My book!

Steve:  Are we done?

Jim (checking his watch):  Yep.  Just in time for the kick-off.  First round of beer is on me.

Rent:  Rope ‘em & Ride ‘em Spaghetti, here we come!fairytales.jpg

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SdK Board Meeting Minutes – March 2014

Published March 5, 2014 by jnaomiay

SdK Board Meeting Minutes

March 2014

Members present:  Naomi, Ron, Steve, Rent, Katie, Taner, Jimmy, Luka

President Jim Mattson calls the meeting to order.  Jim is seated at the head of the table.  Naomi sits across from him at the other end.  Ron is on Naomi’s right smoking a cig.  Luka is on Naomi’s left smoking, but not a cig.  There are four empty chairs between Ron and Katie.  Everyone else is sitting on the other side.

Jim:  Hello everyone.  It’s been a while hasn’t it?  Do we want to spread out a little bit better around the table? 

Jim waves his arms and indicates the empty chairs along one side of the table.  No one moves.

Jim:  Okay.  Well, this place is a little bit nicer than our last meeting in the Kiwanis basement, right?  Right, guys?  It’s great having our own building again, even if it is a little small.

Naomi:  (Holding her head).  Right Jim.  Please, just start the meeting.

Jim:  Absolutely.  Yes, thank you, Naomi.  And, thanks for the coffee and donuts.  Mmmm.  Top Pot donuts, my favorite.  Help yourself, guys.

Nobody moves.

Jim:  Right.  So the first order of business is just a couple of announcements.  As I’m sure you’re all aware, Rivalry was released in January.  The first comic book was released in February, and just this week, Thirteen was released.  Also, The Boy who Lit up …

Katie:  Wait!  Stop everything!

Jim:  Yes, Kate?

Everyone looks at Kate except for Ron who appears to be asleep except for that fact that he is smoking.

Katie:  I want to know what in the hell kind of stupid name is Thirteen.

Naomi:  It’s a stupid name.  Leave it at that.

Luka snickers.

Katie:  Well, why the hell did you use it then? 

Jim:  Kate, simmer down.

Katie:  No!  I want to know why she named that blasted book Thirteen?  She could have named it anything.  She could have called it Katie’s Escape, but no, she had to come up with that ridiculous Thirteen.

Steve:  Except that it wasn’t about Katie’s escape.

Katie:  Yes, it was Steven.

Rent:  Well, technically only a small por…

Katie: Shut up, Rent.

Rent looks stunned.

Steve: What’s with you?

Katie: Nothing!

Luka snickers.

Steve: Did you go back in time to that hormonal period again?

Jim:  Steve, please.

Ron lights a fresh cigarette, and sighs with boredom.

Naomi: That’s enough.  I named the book Thirteen because if I had named it what I really wanted to call it, Amazon wouldn’t have published it. 

Jim:  And, what would that have been, Naomi?

Naomi: Shit Happens. 

Silence around the table except for Luka’s snickering.

Katie: Shut up, Luka. 

Luka:  Why should I?  Do you want to kill me again, Kate?

Katie: (Jumping up) As a matter of fact, I’d like to kill every damn one of you. 

Ron: (whispering to Naomi)  Did you take away her guns?

Naomi: (whispering back)  I left her with a laser.  Should I get rid of it?

Ron (shrugging):  Let’s see who she kills first.

Jim (banging the gavel):  Katie, please sit down.

Katie glares at everyone, especially Ron, before once again taking her seat.

Naomi:  Thank you, Jim.  The fact is, I have named the book Thirteen and that is the name which shall remain.  Please continue with your announcements, Jim.

Rent: (raising his hand)  I have a question, Naomi.

Naomi: Yes, Rent?

Rent: How do we keep acquiring so many new relatives?

Steve:  Why do we, Naomi?  It was bad enough when Rent came.

Katie:  I’m not giving birth to any more, Naomi.  I told you that.  It’s not in my contract.

Naomi:  I know that, Kate.  Your agent reminds me daily of the intricacies of your contract.

Katie:  (Jumping up and pointing at Ron) I don’t want him having any more children either.

Luka:  What about me?

Katie:  I don’t give a damn what you do.

Luka:  We’ll see about that.

Katie:  (Waving her finger at Ron)  I mean it, Naomi.  If he starts screwing around on me, if he turns into the dickhead I always said he was, I’m liable to walk out of here and never come back.

Ron: I’m okay with that.

Steve:  I am too.

Rent: I…

Naomi:  Children!  Katie, perhaps you and I should have a private meeting in my office after we adjourn here.

Luka snickers.

Katie:  What does that mean, Naomi? 

Naomi:  It means, we’re going to meet in my office when we have finished in here.

Katie:  No, it doesn’t.  It means you’re caving again.  You’re going to do exactly what he wants.  He wants to sleep around.  He wants to relive his wild bachelor days, and I’m going to remain on the other side of the galaxy while he screws every chick he can get his hands on.

Luka:  What about me?  May I do that too?

Naomi sighs heavily.

Jim:  Okay, so…I just wanted to reiterate that The Boy who lit up…

Katie:  I’m leaving. 

She jumps up from her chair and bolts to the door, just as a knock sounds upon it.  There, in the hall, stands Gabe.

Naomi:  Come in, please Gabe. 

Gabe:  (strides in while eyeing Katie)  I’m late, aren’t I?  Sorry.

He leans over and kisses Naomi on the cheek, his eyes still fixated on Katie.

Katie (swooning and grasping the door frame):  Who in the hell are you?

Gabe:  (shaking Ron and then Luka’s hands)  Gabe.  I’m in book 14.

Katie:  Okay.  I’m staying.

Jim:  Actually, we’re about done here.  I just want to remind everyone that The Boy who Lit up the Sky is FREE everywhere in ebook format, and we’re expecting the audiobook release of The Boy sometime in late March or early April.  Look for it on Amazon.com, Audible.com, ACX.com or iTunes.  Meeting adjourned.

Pageflex Persona [document: PRS0000026_00029]

SdK Board Meeting – November 2013

Published November 5, 2013 by jnaomiay

SdK Board Meeting November 2013

Attendees:  Naomi, Rent, Steve, Hannah, Jim, Petya, Marie, Tuman

Rent calls the meeting to order.

Jim:  Why the hell are we meeting here?  What’s wrong with our usual conference room?

Petya:  You mean the one on the 32nd floor of the SdK Tower?  It’s being foreclosed.

Jim:  What? The conference room is being foreclosed?

Rent:  No, the entire tower is in foreclosure.  We’re meeting here in the basement of the local Kiwanis Hall because it’s the only place we can afford.  Let’s get started as we’ve got to get out of here before 4pm.  That’s when they set up for their nightly Feed-the-Homeless dinner.

Steve: What’s on the menu tonight?  I might stay.

Jim:  (Turning to Steve) What about the Palace? Surely, you’ve got a nice room there we could have used.

Steve:  Uh…the Palace is undergoing renovations.

Petya: (snickering)  The Palace is a pile of smoldering ruins.

Marie: (slapping Petya’s hand)  Stop it, Petya.  Steve, you can come to our house for dinner.  I’m trying out a new Waist Watcher fish recipe.

Hannah:  The Kiwanis are serving meatloaf.

Jim: (Turning to Hannah)  Whoa!  What happened to you?

Hannah: Nothing.  I like to wear scarves.

Jim:  Over half your face?

Rent: (Banging the gavel on the plastic table)  Guys, we need to get started.  So, as you can see, things have been a little rough lately.  Naomi, what’s the ETA on book 12?

Naomi: (staring forlornly out the window at the concrete foundation of the neighboring building.)  I don’t know.

Rent:  Ok.  Uh…can you give us a rough estimate?

Naomi: (sighs heavily and shakes her head)

Marie:  What’s wrong, Naomi?

Naomi:  Everything.  Everything is wrong.  Everything I built is in ruins.

Marie:  Oh honey, it’s not. Come sit back down at the table.  Can I get you a cup on of coffee?

Steve:  There isn’t a coffee machine in here.

Rent:  (digging through his pockets)  There’s a soda machine down the hall.  Here, Marie. Go get Naomi a diet coke.  Steve, have you got 50 cents?

Steve: If I had 50 cents, I wouldn’t be eating dinner every night at the Kiwanis Hall.

Naomi:  That’s fine.  I don’t need a diet coke.  Rent, carry on. Let’s finish up this meeting.  The smell in here is making me ill.

Steve: I don’t smell anything.

Hannah:  That’s because the smell is coming from you.

Rent:  Guys!  Put a lid on it.  So, Naomi, what’s next on our agenda?

Naomi:  (wiping at her eyes)  I don’t know.

Marie:  Oh, honey!  Don’t cry.  We’re all here with you.

Naomi:  Yes, but HE’s not!

Silence around the table as everyone looks at each other.

Marie: The Two Moons of Rehnor is more than just HIM.

Rent:  Uh…no, it’s not.  It’s all HIM.

Jim:  Anybody have any idea where HE is?

Naomi: (mumbling)  New Zealand.

Steve: Who the hell goes to New Zealand?  The only things there are sheep and enormous spiders.

Naomi:  She wanted to see New Zealand.  After that THEY are going to tour the Australian outback.

Petya:  They couldn’t just go to the restaurant and eat a fried onion?

Rent:  Come on.  They deserve their vacation.  They’ll be back, right?

Dead silence around the table.

Tuman:  I think we should pray.

Hannah: For what?  For their vacation to end quickly?

Tuman:  For THEM to have an enjoyable and restful time.

Hannah:  Yeah?  Well, look what their enjoyable and restful time has done to the rest of us.

Steve:  You did that all on your own, Princess.

Hannah:  Were you the one who set the Imperial Palace on fire, Prince Charming?

Steve: No, but…

Hannah:  Well, it happened on your watch.  How do you think Daddy’s going to react when he comes back and discovers his monument to himself is a pile of rubble?

Petya:  Maybe you should pray he doesn’t come back until after you’re dead.

Jim:  Death doesn’t stop him, just ask my dad.

Rent: (banging again) Guys!  Enough of this.

Tuman:  I really do think we should pray.

Steve:  Since when, bro?  The only god you ever prayed to was the Holy Keg Deity.  Please keep refilling my mega solo cup until I pass out on the floor.

Hannah:  Who invited Tuman here anyway?

Tuman:  I don’t know.  It was on my Outlook calendar so I came.

Marie:  Praying might be a good idea.

Petya:  Why?

Marie:  You never know.

Rent:  I think we need to schedule another meeting.  Let’s all go home and think about how we can best resolve the situation, rectify our circumstances and move forward with a positive and profitable agenda.

Steve:  Lord help us.  My brother has turned into a bureaucrat.

Marie:  Naomi?  Isn’t there anything you can do?

Hannah:  About Rent or the situation?

Steve:  Either.

Naomi:  (Lying her head upon the table)  No.  I can’t do a thing.  I’m too depressed.  What time is the meatloaf?

Pageflex Persona [document: PRS0000026_00029]

SdK Corporation Board Meeting Minutes Sept 2013

Published September 10, 2013 by jnaomiay

SdK Board Meeting – Sept 2013

Members in attendance:  Naomi, Jimmy, Joanne, Steve, Rent, Trudy, Sara, Taner, Zem, Janet.

Jim:  (Pounding gavel)  Okay, everybody.  Let’s get started here.

Taner:  Well, this certainly is a different group from years past.

Zem:  Yep.  I’m here.  Hi Naomi.

Naomi:  Hello Zem.  How are you feeling today?

Zem:  I am full of water.

Naomi:  Yes, of course.  Do you know where the restrooms are?

Taner:  Right outside to the left, old man.

Jim:  Can we get started please?

Joanne: (whispering to Sara)  You look lovely, very grown up.

Steve:  Uh…where’s…uh…(nods head toward the end of the table where sit two empty chairs.)  Shouldn’t we wait for them?

Jim:  They’re not coming.

Everybody:  What?!?

Jim:  Naomi, would you like to explain?

Naomi:  Yes, thank you, Jim.  As all of you are aware, or should be, all of your employment contracts extended to only ten books.  We’ve now reached that number and so everyone is up for renegotiation including…uhem…them.

Trudy:  I don’t understand.  I’m in only one book.  Shouldn’t I be guaranteed nine more?

Jim:  No.  Actually, the fine print says ten total series books excluding novelettes, novellas, audiobooks, or graphic novels.  So, regardless how many you personally were in, your contract has now expired.

Janet:  That’s not fair!

Joanne:  Why are you complaining?  You’ve been in everything since #2.

Janet:  I wasn’t in #1, 6 or 7.  I should have three more books.  I was hoping one of them was going to be all about me.

Trudy:  Rent, aren’t you upset?  You were only in two.

Rent: (shrugs)  Whatever.  I’m happy to have the experience on my resumé.

Steve:  Which was completely blank before this.

Joanne:  As was yours.  As were all of ours.

Taner:  So, Jim, Naomi, what are you saying?  Are we all finished?

Jim looks to Naomi.

Naomi:  (leans on the table and makes a prism with her hands)  Some of you are, I’m sorry to say.

Sara: Me?

Janet:  Of course not.  You’re the next generation.  Probably me and Taner.  We’re all that’s left of the old folks.

Zem:  I’m old.

Janet: Yeah, but you’re funny and a guy.  Everyone knows that women past 40 never get any parts.

Steve:  Will you please be quiet and let Naomi finish talking.  What about THEM? (He indicates the empty chairs again with his head).

Naomi:  We are in negotiation.  I’m not going to lie to you.  They have got me over the proverbial barrel with their demands.  My people are speaking to their people and hopefully, we’ll get this resolved.

Janet:  I guess I don’t want to be in it anyway if Ron’s not coming back.  If Katie returns and not Ron, for sure I don’t want to be in it!

Taner:  (sighing)  He always comes back, never fear.  Naomi will concede to whatever he demands and he will be here.  Count on it.  He always wins.

Zem:  Yep.  Sometimes you can’t see him, sometimes you can’t hear him, sometimes you can’t feel him, but you can always smell his cigarette smoke.

Rent:  Well, I hope he does.  I was just getting to know the guy.

Steve:  If he doesn’t, there’s more opportunity for you and me, bro.

Naomi:  Not necessarily, Steven.  Jim, will you let the new folks in, please?

Jim pushes a button to unlock the conference room door.  In comes Hannah and a large child with a shock of orange hair, pale skin and bright emerald eyes.

Steve:  Aw shit!  They aren’t new, Naomi!  They’re a bunch of retreads.

Hannah: Good to see you again too, Steve.

Sara: (whispering to Joanne)  Who are they?

Joanne:  That’s Steve’s ex-wife and the boy…I don’t know.

Steve:  (Pushing back his chair and lighting a cig)  That’s Marik Korelesk.  I thought we were done with him!  I thought we were done with all those fucking Korelesks.

Taner: That’s not Marik, Steven.  Marik is older than you.

Jim:  Actually, it is Marik.  Marik junior.  Have a seat, guys.

Hannah and Marik sit in the empty seats at the end of the table.

Steve: (jumping up)  Oh no!  I’m not going to play with these two here.

Joanne:  Sit down, Steve, or you’ll be written out!

Steve: Naomi?!?

Naomi:  I’m afraid, Joanne is right, dear.  If you want to remain, you’ll have to deal with them.  Alternatively, you can go find your father and convince him to come back and deal with them.

Steve (tossing his cig on the floor and grinding it with his foot) – That’s what I’ll do.  Come on, Rent.  You and me will do this together.

Rent:  What?

Steve:  Just come on, dude.  Any idea where they are, Naomi?

Naomi:  Bora Bora.  But, their attorneys are downtown.  I suggest you make an appointment to meet with them first.  Bring your checkbook.

Jim:  That’s it then?  Meeting adjourned?

Naomi nods.

Jim:  Good.  Next meeting in 3 months.

Pageflex Persona [document: PRS0000026_00029]

SdK Board Meeting – June 2013 Meeting Notes

Published June 2, 2013 by jnaomiay

SdK Corporation

Monthly Board Meeting Notes

June 2, 2013

Meeting was called to order by Jim Mattson.

Jimmy:  Hey, can you all just shut up so we can get started please?

Berkan:  What’s Jimmy doing here?  Where’s Thad?

Jerry:  He’s still in recovery.

Katie:  Still?

Jerry: (shrugging)  It was pretty bad.

Jimmy:  Ok, we’re going to get started.  As you all know, I’m Jim Mattson and I’m the acting president of SdK.  We’re having this meeting today to discuss where we are going as a company, as a team and as a family because we are all one big happy family, right?

Katie:  Cut the corporate bullshit.  Why are we here, Naomi?

Naomi:  (smiling with annoyance).  Good morning to you too, dear.

Senya:  Good morning, Naomi.

Naomi:  Good morning, love.

Katie:  Why is he smoking in here again?  I thought we resolved at the last meeting that he had to keep it outside?

Jerry:  It smells different today.  Different brand, Ron?

Senya:  Marlboros.

Naomi:  I said last time and I’ll say it again this time.  He can do whatever he wants.

Jimmy:  Can we get back to business, please?  Naomi wants to discuss where we are going with the series.

Berkan:  (pointing)  Who’s he?

Rent: Me?

Berkan:  Yeah.  You.

Rent: I don’t know.

Katie: You don’t know who you are?  Naomi, what’s a red shirt doing in here?

Naomi:  He’s not a red shirt, darling.  He’s an intern.  Senya and I discussed it and we decided Rent needs to attend our meetings now.

Berkan:  Well, why is Zem here?

Zem:  I am full of water.

Naomi:  No, you’re not, sweetheart.  This is a board meeting.  You can pay attention as well as anyone else.

Zem:  Can I have my own book?

Naomi:  Maybe.  That’s why we are here today.  I want to discuss whether we continue the series with more novels and novellas or whether we should do something entirely different, like change genres.  I’ve heard Western Romance is very popular, much more so than Scifi/fantasy.

Audible groan from around the table.

Jerry:  I thought Ron hated cowboys.

Senya: I like Marlboros.

Katie: (raising hand)  I have a problem with Book 9, Treasure Hunt.

Jimmy:  (Pounding the gavel)  Already?  It’s not even released.

Berkan:  I have a problem with Treasure Hunt, too.

Senya snickers.

Katie:  Why am I getting so old?  I thought my contract said I get to stay young!

Berkan:  (grumbling)  Well, it’s better than what happens to me.

Senya:  Time has to happen…

Katie:  Shut your face, dickhead.  Why does he get to stay beautiful and I just turn into an old bag who needs plastic surgery?

Naomi:  Now, Katie.  If you have a problem with your contract, you can have your agent call me…again.  Let’s not waste everyone’s time with your personal issues.

Jimmy:  (pounding the gavel again)  I think we should try to get back on track.  So, Naomi, what’s the status on Book 9?

Naomi:  End of the month at the latest, Jim.  I am aiming for my birthday, June 22, for both ebook and paperback.

Jimmy:  Why don’t you all note in your calendar that June 22 is the new release date and Naomi’s birthday.

Jerry:  What would you like this year, Naomi?

Senya snickers.

Katie glares.

Naomi:  Another Amazon gift card will be fine, Jerry.

Jimmy:  Now.  How many vote to switch genres to Western Romance?

Jerry:  I’m good with that.

Jimmy:  Anybody else?  Nobody?  Okay.  I guess that’s it for today, folks.  Meeting adjourned.


Treausre Hunt 7

Urgent Board Meeting Today!

Published February 25, 2013 by jnaomiay

Today, I’ve had to convene an emergency meeting.  Everyone is assembled in my private meeting room on the top floor of the ever so swanky SdK Tower.

Thad:  Are we ready, Naomi?

Naomi:  Yes, dear.  Go ahead and get everyone’s attention.

Thad raps the highly polished Brazilian Mahogany table with his gavel.

Naomi:  That’s enough, Thad.  You don’t need to put a hole in it.

Thad:  Sorry, Naomi.  Hey, everybody, can we come to order?  We’ve got some urgent business to discuss.

Katie:  Tell him to put out that cigarette.  I can’t stand all this second hand smoke blowing in my face.

Jerry:  Um, Ron?  You know, you’re not allowed to smoke indoors in this state?

Senya:  Fuck off, Jerry.

Jerry:  Hey!  I was only trying to help.

Katie:  Leave Jerry alone.  Naomi!  Will you do something about him?

Naomi:  No.  He can do whatever he wants.  He is the only reason the rest of you are employed.  Now, Thad, let’s discuss why we are here today.

Senya smirks.  Katie picks at her cuticles.  Thad clears his throat.

Thad:  It has come to our attention that all of the books produced are seriously deficient in commas.

Berkan:  Are you serious?  All of them?

Thad:  Unfortunately.

Berkan:  What about mine?  The paperbacks?  The expanded distribution?  The ones released through Smashwords?

Thad:  Everything, Berk.  We’re going to have to do a major recall.

Berkan: Ah, crap.

Jerry:  What about other punctuation marks?  Are we deficient there too?

Thad looks at his report, shuffling through the pages.

Thad:  No.  We’re good on overall word count.  Periods are fine.  We’ve got enough exclamation points and question marks.  Quotes are okay.  It looks to me like it’s just commas.  We’ve had some issues with dropping articles before nouns, but Naomi and I are dealing with that already.

Katie:  So cut to the chase.  What are we doing about it?

Thad:  I suggested, we have Naomi write in another Red Shirt.  We can say he’s stolen the Empire’s entire supply of commas, and then we can have Ron kill him in order to get them back.

Senya:  That’s okay with me.

Naomi:  No!  We deliver a quality product here.  I won’t have our books deficient in anything.  We’re going to add commas wherever they are needed and then we’re going to reissue each addition.

Katie:  All 19 of them?  I can’t.  Luci and I have spa appointments scheduled for this afternoon.  We’re having facials and seaweed wraps.

Senya:  It won’t help.

Katie: (hissing)  Dickhead.

Naomi:  Stop it!  Everybody is going to work on this.  I want commas everywhere as quickly as possible.  What’s the schedule, Thad?

Thad:  Book 8, The Choice has just been repaired and is uploading now.  Book 5, The Days of the Golden Moons was repaired on Friday and has already been reissued.  Um, Naomi?  Do you want to talk about Book 7, Metamorphosis?

Naomi:  Yes, thank you, Thad.  Katie, sit back down right now.  This concerns you.  In addition to the negligent lack of commas in Metamorphosis, the book has garnered a poor rating.  It is the first and only book of ours to do so.

Katie:  What?

Jerry:  That’s because you killed Caroline.  Everybody loved Caroline.

Katie:  No, it’s because we brought in your geek, twin, dickhead, cousin, Michael Silverman.

Senya:  (breathing out a cloud of smoke)  Naomi, may I kill her?

Naomi:  Stop it!  You are all turning me gray.  The reviewers say it’s because of you, Katie.

Katie:  Me?  Seriously?

Naomi:  Unfortunately, you’ve grown a bit tiresome.

Senya:  Did I not say that a long time ago?

Katie:  Shut up!  That was a difficult time for me.  None of you understand what it’s like being a woman my age.

Jerry:  Thank God.

Naomi:  Regardless, there is something inherently lacking in Metamorphosis and I want to get to the bottom of this and figure it out.  We may need to do a complete rewrite.

Katie: No!  I can’t.  Wait.  Would I get overtime pay?

Naomi:  We’ll see.  Was there anything else on the agenda, Thad?

Thad:  Nope.  I think that’s it.  We do need to make all of the customers aware that if they want, they can request an updated version of each book directly from Amazon.  We won’t even charge them more for the extra commas.

Naomi:  Thanks, Thad.  One more thing while you are speaking to the customers, remind everyone that The Boy who Lit up the Sky is still on sale for only 99 cents and it has all the commas it needs.

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