Today, I am in pain and must visit the doctor. I am sitting in a white piece of paper on top of another white piece of paper even though it is my leg that is pained and nothing else need be exposed. Solely for this reason, I have chosen to arrive at this appointment dressed in a leotard so that it would not be necessary to disrobe. Never the less, according to the belligerent woman who claims to be a nurse but cannot find my pulse despite how hard she listens, I must wear only this paper. The door opens.
Jerry: Oh, Naomi! I’m so glad you came to see me today.
Naomi: I’m not. Turn the bloody heat on, Jerry, or I swear, you shall be the next one to die.
Jerry: I’m so sorry, Naomi. I can’t. It’s a government mandate that the temperature be set to 62 degrees. Do you want to put your clothes back on?
Naomi: Yes, damnit!
Jerry: Ok, sorry. I’ll just go back outside and wait until you’re ready.
Two minutes later…
Jerry: So, Naomi. (Jerry sits in that wheelie chair thing and pushes his glasses up his nose.) I really do want to talk to you about something.
Naomi: Yes, Jerry, but that’s not why I am here. I am here because my leg hurts. Would you kindly please deal with that first? When I am well medicated, we’ll talk about whatever you want.
Jerry: Sure. No problem. Okay, so where does it hurt? Here?
Naomi: No, the other leg.
Naomi: No, here.
Naomi: No, here.
Naomi: YES, DAMNIT! RIGHT THERE.
Jerry scoots over to the little desk and types on the computer. A prescription spits out. For this, I will pay $112 all going to my deductible.
Jerry: Take one twice a day and apply heat as necessary. Can we talk now?
Naomi: Naproxen and heat. I could have written that myself.
Jerry: I wanted to ask you, Naomi, would it be possible for me to have my own book? I mean, just about everyone else has gotten their own novella, Thad, Taner, Meri, even that guy Reggie who all he ever did was drive a car.
Naomi: He was an extremely significant driver. He was the Royal Driver.
Jerry: Never the less, I think I’m fairly important, at least as much as Thad. What about that new one, Diridan’s Daughter about some girl named Cinda. Nobody ever heard of her before, and now she’s got a whole novella all to herself. It’s not fair, Naomi.
Naomi: Neither is this bill. I should charge a $112 for listening to you whine.
Jerry: Cinda did nothing while I’ve been an integral part of Books 2, 3, 4, 5, and 8.
Naomi: Cinda slept with the Big Guy. That counts for something.
Jerry: I’m not going there. (Jerry raises his hands and backs away)
Naomi: It wasn’t even a consideration. Alright, let me think on this. I warn you though if I write a novella about you, all your dirty laundry is going to come out.
Jerry: What dirty laundry?
Naomi: Mhm. Grandpa Lou?
Jerry: Can’t you leave him out?
Naomi: Nope. I’ll tell you what. I’ll post an excerpt of your story and see if it’s well received.
Jerry: Okay, but try and minimize Lou’s involvement. One more thing, Naomi?
Jerry: Can you call it, Space Doctor? I kinda like that.
Naomi: Alright, Jerry. I see I have used up my government allotted 3.75 minutes of physician time so I will leave you now and place your excerpt on Wattpad and Scribd. We’ll see if anyone likes it.