I was woken up this morning with terrible news. This all started after my recent interview of Joyce Strand wherein I mentioned that my characters tend to sit around smoking cigs and drinking beer while waiting for me to come up with some sort of plot line. This is how the conversation this morning went:
Naomi: (groggily…it’s early you know) Uh…hello?
State Person: Is this Ms. Ay?
Naomi: Yes? Who is this?
State Person: I work for the State Labor Relations Board. You are requested to appear at hearing to address violations reported at your workplace.
Naomi: What work place?
State Person: A charge has been made that your employees are working in excess of 8 hours without overtime pay and are known to both smoke cigarettes and consume alcohol on the premises which as you are undoubtedly aware, is illegal in this state.
Naomi: What employees? I don’t have any employees! It’s just me and the dog. He’s not smoking or drinking anything as far as I can tell.
State Person: The penalties for your violations can exceed $1,000 per…
Naomi: What?!? Who reported me?
A shuffling of papers…State Person clears throat.
State Person: A Mr. Akan Kalila.
Naomi: What?!? That asshole! He’s just mad because…
State Person: Ma’am, you can argue with the Board. I’m just giving you the facts.
Naomi: Okay, okay, I’m calming down. Can you tell me what he’s complaining about exactly?
State Person: His complaint reads as follows: Mr. Sehron de Kudisha, Mr. Berkan Korelesk, and Mr. Thad Mattson were all allowed to excessively drink and smoke in the green room making it unpleasant for everyone else waiting for their scenes. In addition, you required them to stay beyond the normal work day without overtime compensation.
Naomi: Overtime?!? Those guys are on salary. Some days they got to go home early!
State Person: In addition, (state guy continues reading) Mr. Kalila maintains that the dressing room provided to him and Mr. Phylyp Renfro was substandard. Ms. K. Golden was given her own private dressing with a toilet while he had to share and that Mr. T Mattson was extraordinarily messy.
Naomi: This is insane! These people don’t even exist. Do you realize they are all fictional characters?
State Person: Mr. Kalila has also filed another complaint with the Child Labor Relations Board alleging that you have violated Child Safety workplace laws.
Naomi: Oh god.
State Person: Apparently, Mr. S. de Kudisha was injured multiple times while he was still underage.
Naomi: (screaming) Mr. Kalila was responsible for most of that!
State Person: Again, Ma’am, I am just reading you the complaint and advising you of the Board’s hearing. I suggest you contact a lawyer.
Naomi: I most certainly will!
So that’s how my day is going so far. How’s yours?