SdK Board Meeting Minutes
Members present: Naomi, Ron, Steve, Rent, Katie, Taner, Jimmy, Luka
President Jim Mattson calls the meeting to order. Jim is seated at the head of the table. Naomi sits across from him at the other end. Ron is on Naomi’s right smoking a cig. Luka is on Naomi’s left smoking, but not a cig. There are four empty chairs between Ron and Katie. Everyone else is sitting on the other side.
Jim: Hello everyone. It’s been a while hasn’t it? Do we want to spread out a little bit better around the table?
Jim waves his arms and indicates the empty chairs along one side of the table. No one moves.
Jim: Okay. Well, this place is a little bit nicer than our last meeting in the Kiwanis basement, right? Right, guys? It’s great having our own building again, even if it is a little small.
Naomi: (Holding her head). Right Jim. Please, just start the meeting.
Jim: Absolutely. Yes, thank you, Naomi. And, thanks for the coffee and donuts. Mmmm. Top Pot donuts, my favorite. Help yourself, guys.
Jim: Right. So the first order of business is just a couple of announcements. As I’m sure you’re all aware, Rivalry was released in January. The first comic book was released in February, and just this week, Thirteen was released. Also, The Boy who Lit up …
Katie: Wait! Stop everything!
Jim: Yes, Kate?
Everyone looks at Kate except for Ron who appears to be asleep except for that fact that he is smoking.
Katie: I want to know what in the hell kind of stupid name is Thirteen.
Naomi: It’s a stupid name. Leave it at that.
Katie: Well, why the hell did you use it then?
Jim: Kate, simmer down.
Katie: No! I want to know why she named that blasted book Thirteen? She could have named it anything. She could have called it Katie’s Escape, but no, she had to come up with that ridiculous Thirteen.
Steve: Except that it wasn’t about Katie’s escape.
Katie: Yes, it was Steven.
Rent: Well, technically only a small por…
Katie: Shut up, Rent.
Rent looks stunned.
Steve: What’s with you?
Steve: Did you go back in time to that hormonal period again?
Jim: Steve, please.
Ron lights a fresh cigarette, and sighs with boredom.
Naomi: That’s enough. I named the book Thirteen because if I had named it what I really wanted to call it, Amazon wouldn’t have published it.
Jim: And, what would that have been, Naomi?
Naomi: Shit Happens.
Silence around the table except for Luka’s snickering.
Katie: Shut up, Luka.
Luka: Why should I? Do you want to kill me again, Kate?
Katie: (Jumping up) As a matter of fact, I’d like to kill every damn one of you.
Ron: (whispering to Naomi) Did you take away her guns?
Naomi: (whispering back) I left her with a laser. Should I get rid of it?
Ron (shrugging): Let’s see who she kills first.
Jim (banging the gavel): Katie, please sit down.
Katie glares at everyone, especially Ron, before once again taking her seat.
Naomi: Thank you, Jim. The fact is, I have named the book Thirteen and that is the name which shall remain. Please continue with your announcements, Jim.
Rent: (raising his hand) I have a question, Naomi.
Naomi: Yes, Rent?
Rent: How do we keep acquiring so many new relatives?
Steve: Why do we, Naomi? It was bad enough when Rent came.
Katie: I’m not giving birth to any more, Naomi. I told you that. It’s not in my contract.
Naomi: I know that, Kate. Your agent reminds me daily of the intricacies of your contract.
Katie: (Jumping up and pointing at Ron) I don’t want him having any more children either.
Luka: What about me?
Katie: I don’t give a damn what you do.
Luka: We’ll see about that.
Katie: (Waving her finger at Ron) I mean it, Naomi. If he starts screwing around on me, if he turns into the dickhead I always said he was, I’m liable to walk out of here and never come back.
Ron: I’m okay with that.
Steve: I am too.
Naomi: Children! Katie, perhaps you and I should have a private meeting in my office after we adjourn here.
Katie: What does that mean, Naomi?
Naomi: It means, we’re going to meet in my office when we have finished in here.
Katie: No, it doesn’t. It means you’re caving again. You’re going to do exactly what he wants. He wants to sleep around. He wants to relive his wild bachelor days, and I’m going to remain on the other side of the galaxy while he screws every chick he can get his hands on.
Luka: What about me? May I do that too?
Naomi sighs heavily.
Jim: Okay, so…I just wanted to reiterate that The Boy who lit up…
Katie: I’m leaving.
She jumps up from her chair and bolts to the door, just as a knock sounds upon it. There, in the hall, stands Gabe.
Naomi: Come in, please Gabe.
Gabe: (strides in while eyeing Katie) I’m late, aren’t I? Sorry.
He leans over and kisses Naomi on the cheek, his eyes still fixated on Katie.
Katie (swooning and grasping the door frame): Who in the hell are you?
Gabe: (shaking Ron and then Luka’s hands) Gabe. I’m in book 14.
Katie: Okay. I’m staying.
Jim: Actually, we’re about done here. I just want to remind everyone that The Boy who Lit up the Sky is FREE everywhere in ebook format, and we’re expecting the audiobook release of The Boy sometime in late March or early April. Look for it on Amazon.com, Audible.com, ACX.com or iTunes. Meeting adjourned.